Already Dreading Valentine's Day...

I had a horrible thought today: that I would be alone again on Valentine's Day. Oh, mother of shit...I've endured far too many occasions of this holiday in solitude...I think my "I don't care; it's just a stupid marketing ploy" condom is starting to burn off. 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 have all passed without any recognizable fart of a man. Is this going to happen again?

I want to be one of those disgustingly affectionate couples, bathed in the wine of romance and giggling over whispered sweet nothings (whispers followed up by gentle but persistent nibbles to the ear, of course). Then, after ordering dessert (I will only eat one or two bites...I don't want to feel bloated when we hit the sheets...but I want to have the sexy taste of chocolate on my breath), he will pick up the tab without argument and tip the valet after slyly ensuring that the seat heater were placed on full-blast. After arriving at his top-floor penthouse condominium, I will sojourn out to the balcony and patiently wait for my beau to ravish me with the intensity of the passion he harbors for me...and then lick my poo nagie.

Naaah, I'll probably be alone. I won't be lonely...I will drink some wine to serve as a chaser for the longing I'll hide inside my chest, sharing the evening with like-fated men at my side. Cheers to friendship and masturbation.