A new outlook

My new hobby is to fall in love with men, e.g. potential husbands. I used to be the type of guy who couldn’t open himself up to another man without getting soundly trampled, but I have now decided that the more the merrier. It’s sort of like insurance. If I spread out my risk over a variety of areas I will reduce the risk of loss. Thus, if one asshole lets me down, I will have a selection of others to fall back upon. As long as I keep the shelves stocked I will never be hungry again.

Of course, my new pastime has some undeniable shortcomings. For one, I can never have sex with any of them because I would assuredly contract some sort of bacteria/parasite/virus/ and spread it to each participant, revealing my emotional affairs via a love chain of infections. Secondly, I mustn’t let the subjects know that I am in love with them because they will abandon me or worse, want to start a relationship. At that point, I would erect standards that they would certainly not meet and I would be back at square one (the chocolate chip cookie dough consumption square). Lastly, I must never commingle my participants socially. Doing so would deconstruct my entire plan, as they would fall in love with each other and abandon me entirely. Thus, I must follow these rules in order to feel emotionally successful.

One of my interests is a bartender at one of the clubs in town. I flirted with him unabashedly during my birthday celebration last weekend. We exchanged numbers and email addresses at the end of the evening and promised to be in contact. I haven’t heard back from him. He’s my boyfriend.