New Year Bunny

I feel damn good about the New Year. I don't know what happened, but over my holiday break in Kansas (Happy Birthday, Jesus!) I have felt emotionally settled. In control. More aware of myself and the people around me. It's not that I've changed, but that different elements have risen to the surface, balancing out my more vulnerable qualities. Yay!

For the first time ever, I don't feel the immediate urge to be in a relationship. For the first time in a long while, my goals seem attainable. I have smiled more. I feel like life is funny again. I have even laughed alone (is that weird?). At work, I upgraded a woman's bank accounts at work to earn her a higher annual percentage yield.

Incidentally, last month, I made a pilgrimage to the doctor's office because I was experiencing a continual vocal problem which was putting a strain on my performances. I feared that I had damaged my chords and that my career would be over before it had really even begun. I would be sort of like Julie Andrews without the...well, without the Julie Andrews. It was intoxicatingly dramatic and a little bit scary. In a weird way, my vocal duress made me feel special and pretty.

Nevertheless, the throat specialist (who, by the way, made me snort spray that made my nose numb so he could jam a two foot tube up [and down] my nasal passages and into my vocal cords...just shove it my mouth, dammit!) said that my pipes are in tremendous shape. He said that I had probably strained a muscle in my neck, and that it perhaps wasn't healing because I was carrying a large amount of stress (apparently, young homosexuals tend to carry a lot of stress in their neck). Thus, he asked, "Is there anything in your life that has changed recently that could contribute to an inordinate amount of stress? Do you think you might be stressed out?"

No one had ever asked me that. I started listing off the changes in my life and realized that yes, indeed, I had been carrying around an assload of emotional baggage unneccesarily. So I released. I pulled out the tampon. I took an expository dump. Everything's not my fault.

And I feel great. Thanks, Doc. Happy New Year.