Recycle
I was thinking today about whether or not life's ultimate sum is determined by the aggregate of its moments. Moments, as we know them, are special. Moments we remember. But there are entire days out there that I cannot remember, so if moments are continuous, and many are forgotten, then does my life really exist?
It’s sort of like saying you’re only as funny as your last joke. Does the future erase the past, does the past determine the future, or are we responsible for balancing the two? And what’s the point of trying to balance everything if you forget most of the past and you can’t predict the future? I reason that we’re supposed to accept that we can control some of it and surrender the rest to chance. But if it’s your life then why can't you be in full control?
I guess that’s where many people turn to religion…to find some sort of meaning in the complexities and pursuit of life. I don’t really have that luxury. Well, I guess I could have it if I wanted it, but it’s really not part of my socialization. Religion feels like an easy way out to me. It’s sort of an excuse, a place where you can go to embrace your own weaknesses and feel like you can go to heaven because of them. Reborn Christianity is very popular in prison. It’s weird to me.
Perhaps I don’t admire religion because I’ve never seen anything particularly positive come from it, although I have seen its negative impacts. I just think that good people will be good people and that bad people will be bad people, and that religion is just a means to that end in one way or another if we look at it from a religious standpoint. Religion is flexible. It can be manipulated. And Churches are really, really smart businesses. They sell eternity.
Churches do a lot of good things, too. Really. But we could probably do those good things without them.
I’m not really good at revealing this side of me. I know that there are floods of arguments on both sides, and passionate ones at that, but none are really right and none are really wrong. The truth is that this isn't even the beginning of my thoughts on the subject.
It's just a thought. It’s just a moment. I won't forget it now that I've blogged it.
posted by jakeyspeaks @ 10:35 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Jacob, hi! It's Jon Duoos, we dated once just before you left. I have a comment or two...I wanted to suggest that all of our life's moments are intricately remembered and stored in our wonderful brains. But there are difficulties in having access to those moments. Many moments that were stored were moments when we were hurt. When you get hurt, you need to discharge--that is, cry, tremble, sweat, laugh, yawn, talk, babble, etc--so that you can release the hurt. When you are releasing and have released, you can think about the situation that caused the hurt better, and the next time you get hurt in a similar manner, you'll be able to react in a unique and more useful manner because you can think better. This discharge works best when it is done in the presence of an attentive and loving individual who won't argue with you, interrupt you, or "relate" to what you're discussing, but instead encourage and facilitate your discharge process. Unfortunately, most of us, as children, and on into our adult lives, are not encouraged to discharge, but are told: "don't cry", "get over it", "get a hold of yourself", or more benign ways of shutting you up like: "I know how you feel, blah blah blah" "my cousin had something like that happen when he was in purgatory", and so forth. When we can't discharge on a hurt, we will be unable to have useful thinking the next time we get hurt in a similar manner--instead we will react the same way, and wonder why we're so stupid. And every similar situation drives the hurt in a little deeper, and makes your flexible thinking diminish just a little more, until when you're in your seventies you can't remember what day it is, or why you get up in the morning, or how to tie your shoes. And the hurtful events make your joyful events harder to remember, which, to make a long story short, is why you can't remember whole days. The memories are all there--it's just that they're encrusted with old patterned behaviors. Hope this makes sense.
Take your recent crush for example. Having a crush IS hard--I won't try to explain here why, but I'd like to suggest what you can do that can help you through it. And my suggestion is TALK ABOUT IT--get your best friend's ear, ask them to shut up for awhile, and tell them every detail of what your feelings are for this person you have a crush on. Talk, giggle, laugh, tremble, cry, and ask your friend to just listen for ten minutes (you can listen to them for ten minutes next). Tell them to keep in mind how good you are, how smart you are, and how lovable--and to give you space to just feel. you will find yourself thinking a little differently. The next time you see your "crush", you may be able to communicate with them for a few minutes without going crazy and acting stupid. Well, that's all for now. It sure is nice to know you're still alive and functioning well.
Love, Jon.
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